What I Need

I need to learn how to walk into the fire.  I need to learn how to trust.  I need to learn how to take it one day at a time.  I need to learn how to take care of myself.  I need to learn how to figure out what I need so I can ask for it.  I am tired, my body resisting accepting confused scared sad.  I need to learn how to grieve and live.  I need to find a way to get my family into a house that will fit our current and future needs and I'm tired of dead ends and failing hope.  I need to learn a new way of being in marriage in partnership in relationship because everything is different now.  I need a long quiet mama spa week, month, year... I need to learn how to scream and cry buckets and honor the overwhelming feelings overtaking my body so they find healthy expression. I need my own room. I need to embrace this mess and stop giving myself such a hard time.  I need to stay calm. I need to get comfortable with vulnerability. I need patience. I need to stop guarding my heart and let it break open wider and wider...